Saturday, November 15, 2008


Was it worth it? Wasting time all these while? I thought that i had find someone that could endure all the pain i'm feeling.. but it turns out that i truly am a Cancer to the Society.
I know that all those smiles, laughter, conversation weren't real. Because the look on your eyes explains everything to shows that i have been left out, that i am the black sheep of the society.

I knew it was just a matter of time before you tell me that i've been wasting my time on you. I knew that sooner or later my heart is going to be crushed like how it's always been..i knew that i dont have much friends, i knew that sooner or later i'll be dumped from all this.

I never thought it would be this complicated; like how i was left out and then had to look at myself in the mirror and hate my very existance. And ask myself why am i like this? Why cant i be like everyone else? Why am i a freak?
Eventually, i'll just suicide. It seems like there's no use of me trying to be something that i'm not.
The Expectations which are always the case why i'm left out.

I dont know why i even try, because eventually you'll leave me. Isn't it how it's always been? When the relationship get boring, someone will leave the scene. That is human nature.

I can't be someone i'm not. I can't fake all these emotions when everything hurts like hell. I've always thought that when u said that i am the 'one' for you, it meant more than just words that people could say to each other. But yesterday, you have showed me that i'm not the 'one' for you..

I thank you for saying such things from the point of reality; and your point of view ofcourse. When you said those words to me- it was so clear that i am just a phase in your life, u'll forget and get over me someday. Now, i dont know whether should i even continue this relationship eventhough my heart is already in pieces..

And everytime that we go out, something would go's either my left arm will feel static or my knee will injure itself. I know, i am pathetic. Even if you didn't say it with you mouth..your eyes show me what you feel about me. I suck at everything..and its true like what one of my enemy once said; You suck at everything- from playing drums, playing games, studies and the only thing that u good at is socializing. No, let me rephrase that- You suck at everyhing!
And i hate to admit it, but he's right. I do suck at everything. I can't do anything right..

I'm sorry if all these while i have been nothing but trouble to you. And i would understand if you feel so fed-up from all this..because this is how i am, this is why i have always been abandoned from everyone. It's just a matter of time before my friends will become my enemies and then i'm left with nothing but lies, deception and regret.

The only thing that i want from you is just to be honest; and you are doing that extremely well. And i'm proud to be your partner all these while because you are the one and only girl that have been honest to me..and i could never find another like you.

And all this was from the deepest part of my heart..i cant keep it inside anymore, i love you so much but it's so obvious that i'm not the one for you. I'm a coward, i'm an idiot for letting go something so beautiful like you. But i dont want to be the one who lies in this relationship because you, yourself has been so honest to me. I am very sorry, i love you.