ThingsToDoWhenYouHaveTheTime.

Its the holidays- The time where most friends work and the others will eventually come to annoy the living hell of the one's who are working. And now, things are very very boring..

Its so boring until it makes u think if now its already boring like this, then after SPM will be even worse..

Obviously, there's like a billion things that most of u would plan to do over the free time..for example-

• Get more money. (work- part time, full time)
• Play some sports that u've always wanted but had to study. (futsal, basketball, swimming)
• Try something that u never thought u would do. (surfing, bungie-jumping)
• Get laid. (optional)

Im sure there's more than what i've just mentioned..but yeah, u get the picture.

So, get ur butt off the sofa..put down that remote..leave the playstation/xbox..and get some action! Come on, get some!! *nacho libre voice*

Reason behind this post: I'm officially bored. And-
IF YOU HAVE A PROBLEM WITH WHAT I WROTE.. WRITE YOUR OWN POST IN YOUR BLOG AND LEAVE ME ALONE.

AwkwardMoment.

Last week, i was interviewed by one of my friend's parent and she took me by surprise. And at the time, i was with my partner-in-crime..as we were walking to a mamak stall to have dinner. So, moving on-

First, she text to my phone to confirm that its me.
Is this Raja?

Yes. Who's this?
She tells me who she is.
Its ******'s mom, Auntie. I have a question for you.

Owh. Hye, Auntie. Sure..go ahead.
Then, she asked what was my relationship with her daughter.
Do you have feelings towards my daughter?

No. We are just friends. Close friends to be precise.
Then, she continued asking me by asking was i interested to go further on the relationship.
Are you sure?

Yes, Auntie. We're just close friends.. and nothing more than that. Seriously.
Then, she gave me some comments that i will never forget.
Sorry for disturbing, *** in ***.

I beg your pardon? Excuse me?
Then she ended the conversation in a very cliche way.
Owh..look at the time, well take care then. Bye.

I didn't reply.*

In the end, i continue denying all her thoughts of me and her daughter..and yeah- This is something personal to put on a blog for everyone else to read it..but what the heck; its my blog. I can do whatever i want. So, if any of u were interested on telling the world about it..well, why not. I already post it on my blog- Go ahead, you vultures.

IF YOU HAVE A PROBLEM WITH WHAT I WROTE.. WRITE YOUR OWN POST IN YOUR BLOG AND LEAVE ME ALONE.

PeopleChange.

There's something wrong with me these past few weeks.. i feel like everyone else around me has changed in more ways than one. How? Well, it's like this-

Navin: He seems to be more impulsive, more secretive towards many kinds of approach unlike how we get along before. There's no more fun in it...kinda. Idk, its probably because of the exam. (everyone blames the SPM)

Mike: He seems to be having the i-dun-care attitude towards everything- unlike how we used to lepak.. he's like too busy in his PSP world compared to how we all used to socialized like back in the days..and the cause of this reaction? I forgot to pay the tab once while we were smoking shisha in Bangsar.

Khalilul: I have no idea about this dude.. after his clash contact with his enemy, he seems to be something like Navin- No fun in the conversations nor some of the outings.. and everytime he does one of his futsal thingies, i would 'rain' on his parade. Seriously.

Norman: This person- Well, he's stuck with his ladies.. an ongoing trail on 'possible relationships'. We used to be like bros, and like the saying: "Bros before Hoes". But after the sports day, he changed alot. And our fun stupid conversations weren't the same anymore.

Haiqal: Haiqal- Need i say more? The reason of his lepak-ing reason wif me is either i pay the bill or talk about some girlfriend shit and RaJa still pays the bill. Seriously, i wonder.. have i become like him? Do i go out and 'pau' everyone else and is that the reason why people hate me? *sigh*

These are the people which i think have caught my attention for these past few weeks as i was hanging out with them..and if the change is about money- (the 'pau' attitude thingy) Please, tell me. I dont want to lose friends over cash..

If anyone was offended by this post, i want to apologize. I wrote this up because i couldn't get it out of my mind. By the way-
IF YOU HAVE A PROBLEM WITH WHAT I WROTE.. WRITE YOUR OWN POST IN YOUR BLOG AND LEAVE ME ALONE, haters.

ChildhoodVillains.

What happens to an organization when there is much too perfect people in it? What i meant is, if an organization had a few members 'stirring things up'- it would make the organization live up.
Why? Well, if everything seems too perfect then everything would be boring and then its either they become like zombies or robots. lol.

All i'm saying is-
The organization that i was in had my batch of rebellious members- and therefore, it made everything just right. Without a villain there cant be a hero, right? So i wonder how are things gonna be when the organization starts out next year.. because there ain't much of rebellious members.

And yes; i miss the whole 'heroes' thingy about the organization.. because now- life wouldn't be that much fun because we cant create that much havoc for others to suffer from. lol.
Anyways, i would like to say: "cheers to anyone whom i've made his/her life miserable and a thousand apologies. And thanks to everyone who joined our efforts to make everyone else's life a living hell while we were in the organization."

ConfessionsOfTheBrokenHeart.

Was it worth it? Wasting time all these while? I thought that i had find someone that could endure all the pain i'm feeling.. but it turns out that i truly am a Cancer to the Society.
I know that all those smiles, laughter, conversation weren't real. Because the look on your eyes explains everything to me..it shows that i have been left out, that i am the black sheep of the society.

I knew it was just a matter of time before you tell me that i've been wasting my time on you. I knew that sooner or later my heart is going to be crushed like how it's always been..i knew that i dont have much friends, i knew that sooner or later i'll be dumped from all this.

I never thought it would be this complicated; like how i was left out and then had to look at myself in the mirror and hate my very existance. And ask myself why am i like this? Why cant i be like everyone else? Why am i a freak?
Eventually, i'll just suicide. It seems like there's no use of me trying to be something that i'm not.
The Expectations which are always the case why i'm left out.

I dont know why i even try, because eventually you'll leave me. Isn't it how it's always been? When the relationship get boring, someone will leave the scene. That is human nature.

I can't be someone i'm not. I can't fake all these emotions when everything hurts like hell. I've always thought that when u said that i am the 'one' for you, it meant more than just words that people could say to each other. But yesterday, you have showed me that i'm not the 'one' for you..

I thank you for saying such things from the point of reality; and your point of view ofcourse. When you said those words to me- it was so clear that i am just a phase in your life, u'll forget and get over me someday. Now, i dont know whether should i even continue this relationship eventhough my heart is already in pieces..

And everytime that we go out, something would go wrong..it's either my left arm will feel static or my knee will injure itself. I know, i am pathetic. Even if you didn't say it with you mouth..your eyes show me what you feel about me. I suck at everything..and its true like what one of my enemy once said; You suck at everything- from playing drums, playing games, studies and the only thing that u good at is socializing. No, let me rephrase that- You suck at everyhing!
And i hate to admit it, but he's right. I do suck at everything. I can't do anything right..

I'm sorry if all these while i have been nothing but trouble to you. And i would understand if you feel so fed-up from all this..because this is how i am, this is why i have always been abandoned from everyone. It's just a matter of time before my friends will become my enemies and then i'm left with nothing but lies, deception and regret.

The only thing that i want from you is just to be honest; and you are doing that extremely well. And i'm proud to be your partner all these while because you are the one and only girl that have been honest to me..and i could never find another like you.

And all this was from the deepest part of my heart..i cant keep it inside anymore, i love you so much but it's so obvious that i'm not the one for you. I'm a coward, i'm an idiot for letting go something so beautiful like you. But i dont want to be the one who lies in this relationship because you, yourself has been so honest to me. I am very sorry, i love you.

Accidents?

Its about 48hours before the final exam..
and i getting more nervous than ever. I can feel as if my heart is gonna fly out through my mouth..damn.

Yesterday was one of the most unlucky days that i've had in weeks.. i made my friend's mum paid triple for the cab, i broke a shisha glass thingy..and i burnt my sweater. *grr..*
As if that wasn't bad enough.. then i had a huge headache and my left arm started to hurt like shit.

I dunno what the hell is wrong with me, i dont know whether am i gonna go through this exam with flying colours, i dont know what unlucky thingy am i stuck with..

GODDAMMIT! I HATE EVERYTHING! WHY IS EVERYTHING SO FCUKED UP?!

CareerAdvice? LifeHasAlreadyMadeReservations.

What's your plan after SPM? What do u wanna be? What are u pursuing? Me? Well, i have a bunch of plans of what-to-do but...honestly, i dont know what the hell am i gonna do after SPM.

Sure, the time off before the results strike terror into every hearts of the form5s.. i'll be working part-time here and there. But the question is- What am i gonna do or study after the results come? I cant wait for the results for show up and then plan....that's just throwing my future into someone else's hand.

I've been thinking about graphic designing, music engineering, culinary studies, business management and tons of other stuffs.. there's like so many things to choose from. And my parents has given me 2 opposite comments about it-

Dad said: I dont care whatever u wanna do, whatever it is..make sure its from the heart. Make sure there's passion.

Mom said: Make sure ur job has a future in it. Make sure there will be a steady pay for u because the world is an expensive place. How will u buy urself a house or car? Think where will u be in 5 years time?

There, both of my parents have given me something to think about when im thinking about getting myself somewhere in this world. Both of them have made their point when it comes to career- it ain't a walk in a park.

The hardest thing is..i dont think i can ace this SPM exam. And i know myself well enough that i'll probably get 4a's max...maximum. And my mum expects me to get straight a's? Now that is something we can call a 'miracle'. Right?

How about u guys? Why dont u guys ask ur parents and see what will they answer.. i think my mum's advice is what u'll get from ur parents.

*sigh* Life is such a bitch. You have to think everything..every single day, week because you wouldn't wanna waste it. And by thinking all that...im sure that stress will start to knock ur heads like a hammer. Now i know why people die from stroke, heart attack, high blood pressure and suicide. It's all because of this stupid life's demand. If you cant keep up, life will chew u up and spit u out..by then eveything is useless.

IF YOU HAVE A PROBLEM WITH WHAT I WROTE.. WRITE YOUR OWN POST IN YOUR BLOG AND LEAVE ME ALONE.

DirectionOfEducation.

What's the purpose of education? What's the goal that these people have when it comes to teaching us younger generation? Is it to expand our creativity, turn us into role-citizens or to make us turn into living zombies (or slaves)?

Why living zombies or slaves?
Think about all the exams that we have to cope nowdays, its all about getting an 'A'. That's it. If we dont get those grades- we wont get a good career, we couldn't get scholarships to a higher education platform...in other words, if we dont score- We'll die in society's eyes.

Isn't it true? Every single teacher and parents that came to me whenever im talking about 'education' says that there will be only one question from society; and that's-
"How many A's did u get for your exam?"

If the whole point of education is just to earn high grades, then what happens to the part of 'expanding young mind's creativity?' Are we just attending these institutions in order to get incredible grades? Or do we use the opportunity to get as much of knowledge to make our lives better in any possible way?

That's what i dont understand. Because i have a friend who had his exam earlier this month and before the exam- He was one of the brightest students, he was carrying a book everywhere and he was smart..very smart. But, after the exam he sorta became very slow and stupid in a way...as if the whole exam has drained him. And at the time that i was looking at him- he seemed to like a zombie (cuz he was so slow and kinda stupid compared to how he was before).

So, that made me think about our sense of education- Are the adults turning us into society's zombies and slaves? You people think about it.

IF YOU HAVE A PROBLEM WITH WHAT I WROTE.. WRITE YOUR OWN POST IN YOUR BLOG AND LEAVE ME ALONE.

StupidExam.StupidResults.

I hate SPM. Seriously. Why? Well let's just say that it makes me read so much and then i get so tired..i sleep. By the time i wake up, it'll already be around 7 or 8.. i've already wasted my noon.

Futhermore, staying at home is just torture. My com cant reach its internet most of the time..and if i dont spent time reading history or doing english, i'll draw somemore or i'll sleep. I feel so lifeless dammit!

I wonder how will things go after SPM? Will i be staying put at home (like now) or be doing something awesome and stupid..? My plans on making a NRA movie is postponed i think..cuz i dont feel like doing that right away next year. And to think, right now-

I can do the exam right now...as in right at this very moment. But, the thing is...im terrified of the results later. So that's the dilemma that mosts form5s have i guess...

whatever it is:-

I WANT TO BE FREE, I WANT TO GET THIS EXAM DONE WITH, I WANT TO HAVE FUN LIKE HELL, I DOWAN TO WAKE UP EARLY IN THE MORNING ANYMORE. that's it.


IF YOU HAVE A PROBLEM WITH WHAT I WROTE.. WRITE YOUR OWN POST IN YOUR BLOG AND LEAVE ME ALONE.

DrawingsOfBoredom.

These are my artworks-

Final days before SPM comes.. and i could still go online. *sigh*
Im trying to push myself harder..and well, its giving me good results. And i spent the whole day yesterday drawing cuz i couldn't concentrate.

Tell me what do u think about the drawings.