I'veChanged.

During these past few weeks, i've realized that i have changed alot.

I think its because of the job that i have in BV. Honestly, it drains me so much... and i couldnt help but having the urge to quit. Its so demanding and its really really stressful. But the only question is- If i quit, then i waste all these time of torment because it'll be over by the 29th.

I have changed tromendously- I get pissed easily, Im alot more evil (more ways than one.), I spent money alot more than how i used to, I've turned into a show-off (more than before), I emo constantly (or as Navin calls it: PMS) and etc.

And that's just a little bit that i have realized from time to time..if i was to see this problem from another person's eyes- I bet its worse. I've turned into a total jerk..

And now, my relationship is in crisis..somehow i hate it when im confused- Im unable to think rasionally, to make good choices and all that. And when it happens, i ask my friends what do they think about it...but the thing is- Im the one in the relationship, not them. Eventhough im called something like..ugh..pedofile, or something like that. But i still cant let go of this relationship..because, im not used to being single- nor dumping others when its longer than 2 months.

So now, i hate everything- My life, work, attitude, love, appearrance, language..etc. So fuck everything, fuck you, fuck the world, fuck life, fuck it.

IF YOU HAVE A PROBLEM WITH WHAT I WROTE.. WRITE YOUR OWN POST IN YOUR BLOG AND LEAVE ME ALONE.

Designer'sSneakers.

Hey guys, here's the something u should check out.
I'm designing a couple of graffiti sneakers- and i want to sell some to earn extra cash.. obviously. lol.

So this is how it works- You lemme know what u want on your sneakers, i design it, u do whatever u want with it.


Here's one sample of one of my earliest designs. This one's theme is StreetGraffiti. So lemme know if your interested by commenting this post..thx. Cheers!

SMKSH's Prom Story.

I was at the SMK Sri Hartamas's prom earlier today..and it was ok la.
On a 1-10 scale: 6 (should have been 5 but the food was awesome!)
The performance was kinda dull...but its ok la. Not bad.
Thats one of the performance from a band..err...i forgot their name though. lol.


So, thanks to Tunku Amira- I have a ticket to the prom. Yes, its so sad and pathetic that im going to another school's prom..and its because my school is being so cheap by not having one. So, as i entered the place...i met most of my old friends there.
I was from SMKSH; but only for a few months la.. so i made a few friends while i was there. Now, back to the prom story-

I was seated with some 'high-class' kids from smksh..on the reserved table. And there was this guy who brought me back some memories of how i hated this bloody son of a *****. He and his 'cun' girlfriend was across me on that table. And i couldn't help but to hate the living shit out of this bloody male Paris Hilton..and the stupid look i got from his face was just pissing me off. But thanks to the food- im ok.
So, in between breaks of the prom..they made a lucky-draw on the ticket number. And yes- i almost won...but mine was 066, and the number that won something was 166. Dammit.

So everyone had their dates excluding me and some other guys on the next table, which was the 'loser-ish' table. So, i was pissed off.. i went to another school's prom and now i wouldnt care about what stupid shit i would do while im in the event. And ofcourse, i was browsing through all the girls that i saw in the ballroom..

And there were really hot girls, some ok-ok ones, some ugly slutties and etc. So i wanted a date...and while i was on the dancefloor, i saw an old friend on mine who doesn't have a date because she's dancing with the other girls. I went straight up to her and asked to dance with me... and she did. I held her hips and started talking some shit to prevent the awkward silence. Because i would never have asked her if i wasn't bored of being daring..

As we were slow-dancing on the dancefloor, i couldnt help but to finally notice that she's hot! And to think all these while i didnt pay any attention to her at all..what a bummer. So then, after a few songs..i let go of her- and her friends quickly stole her from being my partner. And then i noticed there was a sharp stare on me since i was dancing with my friend....and it turns out to be her boyfriend. Dammit.

So then i tried to shuffle a little and move along and sooner...i stopped and sat down. And then i asked my friend to drive me home. That's it..so the point of this post is-

if it was not for the SMKSH's prom, i wouldn't have noticed that one of my old friend was a hottie and now i feel so bummed out because when i had the chance to do something about it..i ignored her. Dammit.

WorkExperience.

Today's feeling:

1. bored from the stupid life-sucking job. (still..i need the money)
2. gave the Xbox back to Mr.K after a week of fun..*sigh*
3. got a SMKSH prom to go to tomorrow nite...and yes, someone paid for me and i dont have a date.
4. close to being broke.
5. no shisha for 48hours straight...(im addicted, yes.)

So that's pretty much of the things which are going on today. Owh yea...here's an interesting story-
A few days ago..so while i was working at my store, i asked the woman beside my store to look after it while i went to the gents.
Then, while i was in the gents..on the floor the was a puddle of water, and i could see the reflection of the next door. So, i was wondering why was there noises from the next door? And when i looked at the reflection, the most sickest thing happen.
First, i saw the guy was jacking off..then the next most fucked up thing was there was another guy giving him a ****job.

And if that doesn't sound sick enough...i dunno what does. So yeah- thats what happened during a few days ago. Dude...i feel so sick to my stomach till now. Fuck weyh!! Ewww...!!

ThingsToDoWhenYouHaveTheTime.

Its the holidays- The time where most friends work and the others will eventually come to annoy the living hell of the one's who are working. And now, things are very very boring..

Its so boring until it makes u think if now its already boring like this, then after SPM will be even worse..

Obviously, there's like a billion things that most of u would plan to do over the free time..for example-

• Get more money. (work- part time, full time)
• Play some sports that u've always wanted but had to study. (futsal, basketball, swimming)
• Try something that u never thought u would do. (surfing, bungie-jumping)
• Get laid. (optional)

Im sure there's more than what i've just mentioned..but yeah, u get the picture.

So, get ur butt off the sofa..put down that remote..leave the playstation/xbox..and get some action! Come on, get some!! *nacho libre voice*

Reason behind this post: I'm officially bored. And-
IF YOU HAVE A PROBLEM WITH WHAT I WROTE.. WRITE YOUR OWN POST IN YOUR BLOG AND LEAVE ME ALONE.

AwkwardMoment.

Last week, i was interviewed by one of my friend's parent and she took me by surprise. And at the time, i was with my partner-in-crime..as we were walking to a mamak stall to have dinner. So, moving on-

First, she text to my phone to confirm that its me.
Is this Raja?

Yes. Who's this?
She tells me who she is.
Its ******'s mom, Auntie. I have a question for you.

Owh. Hye, Auntie. Sure..go ahead.
Then, she asked what was my relationship with her daughter.
Do you have feelings towards my daughter?

No. We are just friends. Close friends to be precise.
Then, she continued asking me by asking was i interested to go further on the relationship.
Are you sure?

Yes, Auntie. We're just close friends.. and nothing more than that. Seriously.
Then, she gave me some comments that i will never forget.
Sorry for disturbing, *** in ***.

I beg your pardon? Excuse me?
Then she ended the conversation in a very cliche way.
Owh..look at the time, well take care then. Bye.

I didn't reply.*

In the end, i continue denying all her thoughts of me and her daughter..and yeah- This is something personal to put on a blog for everyone else to read it..but what the heck; its my blog. I can do whatever i want. So, if any of u were interested on telling the world about it..well, why not. I already post it on my blog- Go ahead, you vultures.

IF YOU HAVE A PROBLEM WITH WHAT I WROTE.. WRITE YOUR OWN POST IN YOUR BLOG AND LEAVE ME ALONE.

PeopleChange.

There's something wrong with me these past few weeks.. i feel like everyone else around me has changed in more ways than one. How? Well, it's like this-

Navin: He seems to be more impulsive, more secretive towards many kinds of approach unlike how we get along before. There's no more fun in it...kinda. Idk, its probably because of the exam. (everyone blames the SPM)

Mike: He seems to be having the i-dun-care attitude towards everything- unlike how we used to lepak.. he's like too busy in his PSP world compared to how we all used to socialized like back in the days..and the cause of this reaction? I forgot to pay the tab once while we were smoking shisha in Bangsar.

Khalilul: I have no idea about this dude.. after his clash contact with his enemy, he seems to be something like Navin- No fun in the conversations nor some of the outings.. and everytime he does one of his futsal thingies, i would 'rain' on his parade. Seriously.

Norman: This person- Well, he's stuck with his ladies.. an ongoing trail on 'possible relationships'. We used to be like bros, and like the saying: "Bros before Hoes". But after the sports day, he changed alot. And our fun stupid conversations weren't the same anymore.

Haiqal: Haiqal- Need i say more? The reason of his lepak-ing reason wif me is either i pay the bill or talk about some girlfriend shit and RaJa still pays the bill. Seriously, i wonder.. have i become like him? Do i go out and 'pau' everyone else and is that the reason why people hate me? *sigh*

These are the people which i think have caught my attention for these past few weeks as i was hanging out with them..and if the change is about money- (the 'pau' attitude thingy) Please, tell me. I dont want to lose friends over cash..

If anyone was offended by this post, i want to apologize. I wrote this up because i couldn't get it out of my mind. By the way-
IF YOU HAVE A PROBLEM WITH WHAT I WROTE.. WRITE YOUR OWN POST IN YOUR BLOG AND LEAVE ME ALONE, haters.

ChildhoodVillains.

What happens to an organization when there is much too perfect people in it? What i meant is, if an organization had a few members 'stirring things up'- it would make the organization live up.
Why? Well, if everything seems too perfect then everything would be boring and then its either they become like zombies or robots. lol.

All i'm saying is-
The organization that i was in had my batch of rebellious members- and therefore, it made everything just right. Without a villain there cant be a hero, right? So i wonder how are things gonna be when the organization starts out next year.. because there ain't much of rebellious members.

And yes; i miss the whole 'heroes' thingy about the organization.. because now- life wouldn't be that much fun because we cant create that much havoc for others to suffer from. lol.
Anyways, i would like to say: "cheers to anyone whom i've made his/her life miserable and a thousand apologies. And thanks to everyone who joined our efforts to make everyone else's life a living hell while we were in the organization."

ConfessionsOfTheBrokenHeart.

Was it worth it? Wasting time all these while? I thought that i had find someone that could endure all the pain i'm feeling.. but it turns out that i truly am a Cancer to the Society.
I know that all those smiles, laughter, conversation weren't real. Because the look on your eyes explains everything to me..it shows that i have been left out, that i am the black sheep of the society.

I knew it was just a matter of time before you tell me that i've been wasting my time on you. I knew that sooner or later my heart is going to be crushed like how it's always been..i knew that i dont have much friends, i knew that sooner or later i'll be dumped from all this.

I never thought it would be this complicated; like how i was left out and then had to look at myself in the mirror and hate my very existance. And ask myself why am i like this? Why cant i be like everyone else? Why am i a freak?
Eventually, i'll just suicide. It seems like there's no use of me trying to be something that i'm not.
The Expectations which are always the case why i'm left out.

I dont know why i even try, because eventually you'll leave me. Isn't it how it's always been? When the relationship get boring, someone will leave the scene. That is human nature.

I can't be someone i'm not. I can't fake all these emotions when everything hurts like hell. I've always thought that when u said that i am the 'one' for you, it meant more than just words that people could say to each other. But yesterday, you have showed me that i'm not the 'one' for you..

I thank you for saying such things from the point of reality; and your point of view ofcourse. When you said those words to me- it was so clear that i am just a phase in your life, u'll forget and get over me someday. Now, i dont know whether should i even continue this relationship eventhough my heart is already in pieces..

And everytime that we go out, something would go wrong..it's either my left arm will feel static or my knee will injure itself. I know, i am pathetic. Even if you didn't say it with you mouth..your eyes show me what you feel about me. I suck at everything..and its true like what one of my enemy once said; You suck at everything- from playing drums, playing games, studies and the only thing that u good at is socializing. No, let me rephrase that- You suck at everyhing!
And i hate to admit it, but he's right. I do suck at everything. I can't do anything right..

I'm sorry if all these while i have been nothing but trouble to you. And i would understand if you feel so fed-up from all this..because this is how i am, this is why i have always been abandoned from everyone. It's just a matter of time before my friends will become my enemies and then i'm left with nothing but lies, deception and regret.

The only thing that i want from you is just to be honest; and you are doing that extremely well. And i'm proud to be your partner all these while because you are the one and only girl that have been honest to me..and i could never find another like you.

And all this was from the deepest part of my heart..i cant keep it inside anymore, i love you so much but it's so obvious that i'm not the one for you. I'm a coward, i'm an idiot for letting go something so beautiful like you. But i dont want to be the one who lies in this relationship because you, yourself has been so honest to me. I am very sorry, i love you.

Accidents?

Its about 48hours before the final exam..
and i getting more nervous than ever. I can feel as if my heart is gonna fly out through my mouth..damn.

Yesterday was one of the most unlucky days that i've had in weeks.. i made my friend's mum paid triple for the cab, i broke a shisha glass thingy..and i burnt my sweater. *grr..*
As if that wasn't bad enough.. then i had a huge headache and my left arm started to hurt like shit.

I dunno what the hell is wrong with me, i dont know whether am i gonna go through this exam with flying colours, i dont know what unlucky thingy am i stuck with..

GODDAMMIT! I HATE EVERYTHING! WHY IS EVERYTHING SO FCUKED UP?!